May 26, 2014
Okay first things first.
I AM STAYING IN NAPLES AND SO IS HERMANA FIN AND WE ARE SO HAPPY TOGETHERRRRRRRR!! <—sing that last little phrase.
I’m killing her off. Which is only appropriate as we’ve been through so much in this last 7 months. Who better to walk her (slash sprint with her) through the last 6 weeks of her mission than ME her favorite companion? Just kidding we don’t have favorites. But like. Obviously, I’m the girl for the job.
This week it was apparent just how hard Satan has been working on us these last couple weeks. The burden is lifted and we have been able to just work. Besides a sick day [missionary work is really hard on the body and we’ve both experienced some rather uncomfortable symptoms lately.] we’ve really gotten back into things. A huge blessing because we have such a short time left!!!
Ahh I don’t want to think about it.
We have seen miracles this week, just like any other. But I think the theme, at least in my head, has been the future. I realized as I talked with investigators, members, and other missionaries, that I have a LOT of life left to live. I have a lot of trials to face. A lot of decisions to make. A lot of tragedies to mourn. It all seems so daunting at times. I mean, my life has been pretty peachy so far. Born of goodly parents, taught the right things, no sudden deaths, no siblings gone astray…don’t get me wrong. My family has had our share of trials but I look around and think, “what could Heavenly Father possibly have in store for me?”
I’m so grateful I’ve had this opportunity here to learn and prepare myself for whatever it may be. I tell people all day every day that reading the scriptures, going to church, and praying will solve all their problems. That all they have to do is read the Book of Mormon and they will be happy. It seems to be the most unlikely connection. But when people have that faith to just try it out, they see miracles. I’ve been here for 15 months watching these miracles from a front-row seat. It builds my own faith and prepares me for the future.
As I’m heading into the last 12 weeks of my mission, I’m praying that my conversion deepens enough to last. That the walls I’m building up are strong enough to hold up against the hurricanes of life. That’s my focus. Permanent, lasting, change.
President has talked to us a lot lately about “going back”. Too many missionaries finish their missions and “go back” to the people they were before the mission. Not that they were ‘bad’ before or even after. But what was the point of the 18 months to 2 years spent laboring and praying and changing little by little to come home and go back to being exactly the same? It does us no good and it’s the opposite of what we are trying to accomplish. To be perfectly honest, “going back” is my biggest fear. I can’t preach repentance and change and hope and a better future and go home without living it. As Elder Holland said, our missions are first for us–the missionaries. Heavenly Father can do his own work and he doesn’t need a bunch of immature 18 to 20-something year olds doing it. But he does need those immature 18 to 20-something year olds to grow up and be leaders one day. To raise righteous families and do good in the world. And so he gives us this 18 month to 2 year training center to learn how to do what He will require of us later. The mission is an MTC for our lives. Basically.
And we cannot go back.
And so I’m ready to get going on this transfer–my last with Hermana Fin. Ready to learn and grow and change and improve myself to the point where I won’t go back. And I won’t even want to.
Here’s to 12 more weeks.